This is the Transcript of the #WeddingMarket Chat on April 11th, 2012 with Bernadette Coveney Smith from @GayWedding . The answers were made on Twitter so responses will appear different.

Bernadette Coveney Smith is the nation’s leading same-sex wedding expert. She is founder and president of 14 Stories, the first company in the U.S. specializing in planning legal same-sex weddings. 14 Stories has offices in New York and Boston.

Eight years ago, when gay marriage was first legalized in Massachusetts, Bernadette envisioned a wedding production company for engaged same-sex couples looking to navigate a traditional wedding industry. Since 2004, she and her team have produced hundreds of gay and lesbian weddings, working with couples from 33 U.S. states.

Bernadette’s expertise has been sought after by the Today Show, the New York Times, the Washington Post, CNN, Travel and Leisure and National Public Radio, among others. Bernadette is author of the book Gay Wedding Confidential and a featured blogger on The Knot and Huffington Post. She also developed the first gay wedding planning app for iPhone and Android. Bernadette regularly speaks about gay weddings around North America.

Learn more about at http://www.14stories.com and http://www.gayweddinginstitute.com/

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Q1: How did you get involved with the Wedding Industry?

Answer
Bernadette: When I first decided I wanted to try this career path I started my business in Boston in 2004 right before marriage equality became the law. I was planning for nonprofits. I wanted to help same-sex couples navigate what was a very traditional industry then. My goal was to be an advocate. My goal was to help same-sex couples feel safe in this industry which mostly assumes there’s always 1 bride and 1 groom

Q2: Why should wedding professionals think about getting into the Gay & Lesbian Wedding Market?

Answer
Bernadette: Simply, gay weddings are good for business. Even if you start to see 1-2 same-sex weddings a year, it’s a growth area plus, gay weddings are incredibly fun and have a different spirit about them that I’m sure you’ll all enjoy.

Q3: What are some interesting stats or information that wedding professionals should know?

Answer
Bernadette: There are 646k same-sex couples living together as of 2010 census. LGBT buying power is estimated @ $850 billion/annually. Average household income is $103k, as opposed to $63k for unmarried straight couples. 21% of households have kids. There have been approximately 75k legal same-sex weddings in the U.S. since 2004. 2/3 are lesbians, 1/3 are gay men. Gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts, Connecticut, NH, Vermont, D.C., Iowa and NY Civil unions are legal in Illinois, Rhode Island, Delaware, Hawaii, N.J.Civil unions are legal in Illinois, Rhode Island, Delaware, Hawaii, N.J. Federal gov’t doesn’t accept gay marriage. A couple who lives in OH, marries in NY will not be legally married in OH. Same-sex couples must file federal tax returns as single. Gay marriage is illegal most places in the world. The gay wedding industry is quite new as a result of all of the laws against same-sex marriage. The legal issues make this VERY complicated. When I travel w/ my wife & son, most places don’t consider us married. The laws also mean more $$$$ spend by same-sex couples on taxes, legal fees, etc. Civil unions provide some rights to couples but not full rights. Plus, it’s a strange, non-equal term

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Photogs can put same sex couples in albums, but what are other ways vendors can show they are gay friendly?

Bernadette: Sure, right on your website, you can come out and say that you support marriage equality, LGBT couples. This co. does a perfect job of supporting LGBT couples! http://www.mydeejay.com/dc-gay-weddings-lgbt-weddings
#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Is there a organization from which to get badges? Or just make them ourselves?

Bernadette: The “Badges” that are on the site I said did great are from marriage equality orgs that LGBT people know. One example is http://HRC.org. LGBT people know that symbol.
Q4: What are the keys to being successful in this market?

Bernadette: If you want LGBT weddings, you should get out there & help get marriage equality passed where you live. 90% of gays & lesbians report that purchases are favorably influenced by corporate sponsorship of LGBT events/charities.

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: My lesbian couple calls themselves “partners” now. What’s better after they are married?

Bernadette: You should ask them how they’d like to be called after marriage. Don’t assume. They might still want partners. Some people are husbands, others are wives. Some hate those terms. Just ask politely.

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: It’s hard to get the language right in ceremony. How do you deal with groom’s side or bride’s side of aisle?

Bernadette: Most same sex wedding ceremonies don’t have a side of the aisle…guests sit wherever. Spouses for life, legally married, lawfully married, husbands for life, etc are example. After marriage, they can be creative but most still use husbands and wives.

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Do you refer to bride and bride, groom and groom, or couple in your marketing copy?

Bernadette: I suggest that you use the terms “couple” or “brides and grooms” in your marketing copy
#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Are there any stats on avg age/income of gay couples marrying?

Bernadette: No, that data does not exist.

Q5: How would you describe the LGBT culture?

Bernadette: The LGBT culture has been through a lot: discrimination, AIDS, lack of family support. Resilient. Keep in mind that there is an LGBT culture just as Jewish culture, Indian, African-American etc That means that with cultures come different nuances. Don’t assume it will be just like a straight wedding. In fact, don’t assume anything! If you do, you may put your foot in your mouth. I am often asked by vendors, “is one of the partner’s the bride and one the groom in the relationship?” The answer is no! Gay couples often switch it up and if they do lock him in a specific relationship role it is often not permenant. Don’t make assumptions based on your perception of roles in the relationship. Don’t assume families will be involved. Don’t assume there will be a wedding party. Don’t assume they’ll get ready apart. For all we know, they could decide to enjoy some porn together on their honeymoon every evening. Click now on hdpornvideo xxx or regret it later some of them might say and if that is what they want to do then that is on them.
#WeddingMarket Chat Question: But groom usually comes in first, bride last. With same sex, how would that work?

Bernadette: We have many couples come in together holding hands or we send them down two aisles

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Do you find many gay and lesbian couples interested in destination weddings and traditional honeymoons?

Bernadette: Yes, destinations to where same-sex marriage is legal more so than traditional wedding destinations

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: How do you word invitations? Does the couple just decide whose name will come first?

Bernadette: Invitation wording is typically alphabetical unless the couple is always known a certain way. Parents names often not on invitation unless they are hosting.

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Do most refer to the ceremony as a commitment ceremony or a wedding?

Bernadette: Younger couples use wedding; older couples use commitment ceremony; also depends on whether it’s legal.

Q6: What cities are the most popular locations for LGBT weddings?

Bernadette: Most popular cities are NYC, Boston, Provincetown. Most popular for tourism are also LA, SF, Vegas, Ft Lauderdale/Miami. Commitment ceremonies. Also people who have parties after legally marrying elsewhere. MANY LGBT couples travel to legally marry if they live somewhere it’s not, usually have reception at home.

#WeddingMarketChat Question: Are you seeing an increase in published weddings since NY legalized?

Bernadette: Not yet, since the bigger weddings are still being planned. But eventually yes.

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Do u advise your clients to invite (or not) very close family if they don’t support their same-sex wedding?

Bernadette: I suggest to my clients that they only invite those who will be thrilled to be at their wedding, not the unsupportive.

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: Do states w/legalized gay marriage see an economic plus?

Bernadette: Of course! As an example, MA saw $111 mil in first 5 years. NY is expecting $100 mil/year. For first 3 years. Gay weddings are great for business. Not just the big weddings but all elopements too.

#WeddingMarket Chat Question: If couple travels to legalized State that DOES marriages, then doesn’t that mean not married in State they reside?

Bernadette: Correct, but they do it anyway, often b/c they are tired of waiting.

Q7: What advice do you have for wedding pros starting in this market?

Bernadette: You should all update all of your marketing materials to say “Couple” or “brides and grooms”. Contracts, too – use names. ID a list of gay-friendly and gay-owned businesses to pass referrals to! Your LGBT clients will want this list! Don’t assume that your existing referral list is gay-friendly. Ask! If possible update your website to have more inclusive photos even if they aren’t gay weddings…bride alone, groom alone. Long shots, detail shots, photos that can be interpreted in different ways, not just formals. Volunteer with marriage equality orgs. Sponsor/Donate to LGBT events, charitable silent auctions, etc.

Q8: What would you like the #WeddingMarket to take away from this #WeddingMarket Chat?

Bernadette: Key takeaways: don’t assume anything! Ask open-ended questions. Neutralize your language so it’s not just bride & groom. Network within the LGBT community, ie financial planners who work with LGBT couples. Fave places to advertise: http://equallywed.com & http://avoteandavow.com (FREE!), http://gayweddings.com (thru WeddingWire).